Saturday, February 10, 2007

Sex in Midlife

You Still Got it Baby!

Remember when we were 18 and tried to imagine people over 40 having sex? We couldn’t, right? No way those old farts could still get it on! And who’d want ‘em even if they could? Now, look at us. We are those old farts. And we’re still “doing it.” Or are we? Does sex change in midlife? Does it get better or worse? Does it even happen? Or is laundry day the only time we shake the sheets?

It turns out there is no simple answer. Midlifers are all over the sexual map. More sex, less sex, higher drive, lower drive, new partner, old partner, no partner…it’s all there. The only thing that is constant across the board is change. Our priorities are changing, our relationships are changing, and none of us experience sex and sexuality the same way we did when we were twenty-something.

For one thing, we don’t have the bods we used to have, and that takes some getting used to. Youth defines sexuality, or so the ad execs would have you believe, and one thing we ain’t is young. The mortal flesh is settling; we’re not the Gumbies of yore. But you and I know that, beneath the wrinkles and the graying hair, we are just as sexy as we used to be. Probably sexier, given a half-life of experience under our belts (so to speak).

This is not to deny the very real physical and hormonal effects of aging. Drying tissues and waning libidos are common. Don’t let that rain on your parade. Gals, pick up your favorite personal moisturizer and guys, isn’t it a bit of a relief to have your gonads out of the driver’s seat? If not, or if you need more help, please do see your doctor.

My advice is this: Treasure your sexual self. Be open to change. Communicate with your partner. And seek help if you need it.

The Authors of "50 Ways" Interview on KCHF TV

50 Ways to Leave Your 40s TV interview with Phoenix' Pat McMahon