Thursday, January 15, 2009

Silly Poems

My favorite online community is Writer's Digest, where I visit and share experiences with a variety of writers, from beginners to published professionals. One thing some of us do is make up silly poems in a thread called Dread Poet's Society. Here are a couple of my silly efforts.

1. In response to a poster who challenged me to work less and write silly poetry more:

Work, I do, I try to heal 'em
Fractures, coughs, sore throats and boils
Rashes, warts and bumps - I feel 'em,
Freeze 'em, drain 'em, coat with oils.

All day long we poke and prod,
Look for clues and try to mend
Some docs even think they're gods
We're always humbled in the end.

Yet, as much as I adore
bedpans, xrays, splints and pills
coughs and sneezes, I want more,
A place to play, to ease my ills

The Forum calls, the poets rhyme,
their sweet abandon, free and wild
with meter foul but words divine
Each silly section makes me smile.

Who knew, when Wondo started it,
this silly thread, that it would be
a testimonial to wit
the best in WD history.
2. Taking a break from "real writing"

I'm s'posed to be writing a column 'bout zits
those mug-ugly bumps that give teenagers fits

How does this thing happen? Please, doctor, help!
I'm spotty, I'm pimply, I'm covered with welts!

It's awful, embarrassing, painful and worse:
My girlfriend won't touch me; she says I am cursed.

So please, give me something to clear my skin up
I beg you, have mercy on this zitty pup!

No problem, I soothe him, the answer is clear
just do what I say, you'll have nothing to fear

Go down to the grocery and ask that new bagger
to loan you a brown paper big one, then stagger

Back home with it over your head! What? My license?
You want it? Oh, what have I done, I have no sense!

I take it all back, I was giddy from deadlines
and trying to be serious: it furrows my head lines

Please calm down, relax now, don't have a conniption
I'll cure you I promise: here is a prescription!

He's gone. Now I have to get back to my writing
Be serious, scholarly, helpful, inviting

Thank goodness for Dread Poets thread- yes indeed
a place to unwind when I'm truly in need.


3. About exotic foods

Pickled eggs I've had, and worse
The thought of frog legs makes me purse

my lips and gag, but I would try
a fresh polk salad, loaf of rye,

some crab legs, sushi (only cooked!
I'm a doc, you know, I looked

beneath the scope, I did, and ugh
what I saw would make a slug

chuck up his breakfast, so no raw
fish for me), a monkey's paw

is taking it too far as well.
I'd like a fondue, that's a smell

that makes me smile, and want to dip
a cube of bread, then take a sip

of Chardonnay, oops there I am
back at wine! alright, then, ham,

but only finest prosciuttos
will make it past my snobby nose

Chinese I'll eat (the food, I mean)
Italian, Spanish, French cuisine

Hillbilly with okra pie
Better than a stick in your eye

But ask me to avoid Whole Foods?
That goes too far, sir, almost rude!

That place is home, my second larder
Quit I won't, I'd fight much harder

For organic foods and fresh ones
even though it uses up funds

Cheap it ain't: just ask Cheapskate
Still its always worth the wait

Don't believe me? Come for dinner
You don't like it? You'll leave thinner

Uh oh, wait a minute, what's this?
I can't stop creating bupkiss

Rhyme's Disease has taken over
Get the hook! I'm done! It's over.

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