Friday, July 10, 2009

Trisomy 18

(I'm bringing this old post back up top because it is one that keeps getting comments as people who struggle with Trisomy 18 search for answers and community)
Warning: In spite of the scientific title, there won't be much science here. However, this is a sad story with gross details, so don't read it if you're squeamish.


Tarik and Caroline were having their second child. Their first was a healthy toddling boy, a lovely combination of their two cultures. Tarik and Caroline were both young, both healthy, responsible professionals on their way up. Naturally, therefore, they got in to the clinic early in the pregnancy. I was the lucky Family Practice resident that "picked them up". I'd get to see Caroline for her prenatal visits, checking her blood pressure, urine, weight and measurements to make sure all was progressing normally. I'd be the one to find the first heartbeat for her, to feel the baby's growth at each visit, to marvel with her as baby rolled and kicked inside her, to advise her about diet and exercise. Routine stuff. We'd meet every month at first, then with increasing frequency near the end. At her 36th week (out of 40 full term pregnancy weeks) I'd turn my pager on 24/7 for her, so that I'd be able to deliver the baby whenever she went into labor.

I loved OB. The miracle of a human baby growing inside another human never failed to fill me with awe. We think we're such hot stuff, such modern, technological super-beings. Our lives are filled with devices, with increasing automation and mechanical sophistication. But when it comes to bearing children, we're animals all the way. What is more bestial, more natural, than growing your young inside you, pushing them out with blood and tears, and nursing them at your teat? We in medicine do our best to technologize this experience with beeping gadgets, powerful medicines and invasive procedures. But at the core, nature is in control, a fact that charges the labor and delivery wards with excitement and fear. Birth can be a miraculous, happy event, and usually is. But it can also be a terrible tragedy, anticipation turning to anguish at the last minute.

Round about Caroline's 15th week, her uterus began to measure bigger than it should. We weren't alarmed at first. Could be mis-measurement. Could be a big kid. Could be twins...twins? There were twins in the family background. Hmmm. Since the large size persisted, we decided to get an ultrasound. Nowadays just about every pregnant woman gets an ultrasound routinely, but back then (a long 17 years ago) we had to have a reason.

By the time she got the scan, she was at 17 weeks. By then, the embryo has become an infant, fully formed but small, with weeks of differentiation behind it and weeks of growth ahead. The scans are highly sensitive, able to discern organs clearly.

There was something wrong with Caroline's infant. The heart didn't look right. There weren't four distinct, regular chambers. Further testing was advised. I met with Caroline and Tarik, gave them what scanty information I had, tried to reassure them or at least postpone panic, and suggested an amniocentesis. We didn't know what the problem was, exactly, or how bad it was. Some congenital heart defects are fixable by the surgeons. Some are not. Some are associated with chromosomal abnormalities, which is why the amnio was recommended. More frightened about the infant's condition than about having an 8" needle stuck in her belly, Caroline agreed.

If you watch crime shows on TV, you probably think that DNA results are available just as soon as the patient gets up off the table. Not so. Caroline and Tarik had to wait two agonizing weeks to discover what they were dreading to know.

The baby had Trisomy 18. An extra chromosome. Three of the #18 chromosome instead of two. Well, so what? Sounds pretty benign. After all, we have what, 46 all together? What's one extra chromosome among friends? Well, it turns out that one little #18 chromosome has more power than all the others put together. It is a tiny tornado, packing a destructive force stronger than life itself.

Half of all babies born with this condition die in the first week of life. 90% of them have heart defects. Most of them have other defects as well, including spina bifida, cleft palate, deafness, joint contractures, and mental retardation. Only an unlucky few survive beyond a matter of weeks, and those don't last much longer. The term that is branded in my brain from our meeting with the genetic counselors is "incompatible with life". Caroline was carrying a child that was incompatible with life. As soon as it hit the outside air, it would begin to die. She. "It" was a she. They could tell that from the genetic analysis too, of course.
She was doomed.

After listening, reading, thinking, talking and crying together, Caroline and Tarik told me they decided to terminate the pregnancy. They couldn't face the thought of birthing a baby girl only to watch her die in agony. This was the right decision. I had no doubt, and nor did they. I offered to accompany them to the procedure, and they gratefully accepted.

They went to one of the local abortion clinics for this procedure. The doc there was very experienced in terminations at all stages of pregnancy, though of course most were done much earlier. By chance and good luck, there were no protesters outside the clinic that day. I was prepared to give them a piece of my mind if there were any. Caroline was not the typical abortion patient, and did not deserve to be hassled.

Without much delay, we were shown into the procedure room. Tarik was told to wait in the waiting room, per clinic protocol, making us all glad I had come along. The staff was kind and efficient, helping Caroline gently onto the table, talking in soft voices, explaining and reassuring. Caroline tolerated the procedure very well, holding my hand tightly and breathing deeply as the obstetrician dilated her cervix and removed the infant. Caroline didn't cry, not then.

A termination at 21 weeks is very different from one at 7 or 8 weeks, the usual time an "elective abortion" is done. The early abortions are done with suction, and the "products" just look like so much bloody mush. At 21 weeks, there are organs. There are limbs. There are bones. And the procedure is done not by suction, but by "extraction." Fortunately, Caroline and Tarik were forbidden to look at what was left of their defective baby girl. But I, as a medical provider, was invited into the side room to further my medical education. I had to steel myself, calm my heart, open my scientist mind.

Her little blue hand, curled and lifeless on the surgical towel, is forever wrapped around a tender neuron in my brain. As I looked at the pieces of this ruined life, what I felt was not revulsion or nausea, but a deep sorrow. I knew this was the right choice, the right decision for these parents and for the mutant child, for that's what she was. It was the humane, loving choice for all involved. But that didn't make it easy.

Aching in the depths of my heart, I returned to Caroline. She was resting in recovery now, out of the stirrups, and Tarik was with her. I tried my best to push my own feelings down deep, to put on my doctor face and stay calm. But when Caroline opened her arms for a hug, my humanity came crashing in, and my tears fell with hers.


23 comments:

Virginia said...

Your moving description made me cry too.

peg said...

Thanks, Virginia.

It's nice to know someone is reading this stuff.

Peg

Heather said...

That is a beautiful story. Nice to know you didn't lose your humanness in become a doctor.

pegadoc said...

Thanks, Heather. You're very kind. Thanks for reading and commenting.

Doctors are all human. Don't let 'em tell ya different. Some of them/us forget it from time to time, but they/we are.

You know what? Since I put words to that particular memory, I've found out that two of my friends had the same thing! It affects about one in 3000 pregnancies.

Peg
(I also post as "pegadoc" - changing over)

anafaran said...

ALLO Dr. Pegger,
I have that quote from the Greek Heraclitus I promised to post.
I thought it was apropos to the story you wrote about the couple anguishing over their baby who would be incompatible with life. That would be a tough pill to swallow for young parents.
It is not good
for all your wishes
to be fulfilled:
Through sickness
you recognise
the value of health,
through evil,
the value of good,
through hunger-
satisfaction,
through exertion
the value of rest.

pegadoc said...

Thanks for the Heraclitus quote, anafaran. That dude believed in suffering, didn't he? I've lived long enough to know that suffering brings wisdom, and that pain can not be avoided in life, and that we appreciate what we have more when we've gone without it.

Anonymous said...

I'm sitting here in my living room feeling like the bottom has dropped out after reading this story that is so similar to my own.

Three months ago I was happily pregnant with my second child. Then my NT scan results came back with a 1 in 5 shot for trisomy 18, and an amnio confirmed the diagnosis a few weeks later. I also had a complete placenta previa, just to make the situation more complicated. Ultimately I chose to terminate the pregnancy.

I had seen my daughter in the level 2 ultrasound scan that is part of the amnio appointment. I looked at her deformed little fists and her tiny, mishapen heart and barely-there kidneys. She was all wrong, but very much a real person despite that -- MY person. I loved her. I love her.

I had a couple very crappy options in front of me and I chose the one that seemed the least terrible for the baby, me, and the rest of my family. But now I exist in the no-man's land between the radicals who think I shouldn't be troubled by what I did because it was just a blob of cells, and the zealots who say I'm going to burn in hell for murder.

I guess I just wanted to say that it was nice to hear somebody describe something close to how I feel about my situation. My abortion was both a blessing and a tragedy. To try to make it one thing but not the other simply deflates all reality from the issue. And that's completely pointless, since you don't get any more real-world than this.

Anonymous said...

All right - you made me cry too, remembering my own 13 years ago. She had Trisomy 18 and I also elected to have an abortion. Thankfully the hospital where the procedure was done was so terrific. I went through labor and got to hold her afterward. The nurses were just super. And the funeral home by the hospital donated the cremation and I bought an urn for her ashes. I can say that whole procedure helped so much dealing with the grief. There was a booklet I read that was instrumental in saying that I could choose what I wanted to do. I even had her baptized. Thanks for sharing and a note to anonymous - I totally understand about the blessing/tragedy thing. Each year on that day I think to myself she would have been x years old today. But I think she's in a better place - I named her after my mother and grandmother who also are in heaven so I like to think they're taking care of her until I get there.

peg said...

anonymouses (anonymice?) - Thank you so much for sharing your experiences here. Trisomy 18 is 1/6 as common as Down's, which means it's pretty darn common, as you two gals can attest. Anon1 - your description of feeling caught between two viewpoints is so right-on. The truth is you do have a foot in both, but reality isn't either one alone.

Anon2 - Sounds like you had as good an experience as one can have with this kind of thing.

My condolences and thanks to you both.

Peg

Stacy said...

this is moving beyond words... especially as I await a Level II sonogram to explore bilateral choroid plexus cysts on my own babies brain. Trisomy 18 has been mentioned, and my heart is breaking with that consideration. With a very ill feeling, I thank you for this information - yet, everything in me hopes that we are spared this fate.

Peg Spencer, MD said...

Stacy - my prayers are with you and your baby.
Peg

Tad Thompson said...

Peg:

I know a young couple who went through this situation, but with a different outcome. Please look at this video at

www.youtube.com/watch?v=th6Njr-qkq0

This is an inspiring story about a young boy who lived 99 with trisomy 18...His parents did not think of him and a mutant. I do write this as an activist, but as one who thinks that life is not always so cut and dry and sometimes choices that seem right, are not the right choices at all. Just check it out. If you have a reponse...please feel free to email it to me at tadt@habc.net Thanks.

Mrs. Mother said...

You made me cry. I just lost my precious baby girl, Jenna Grace, to Trisomy 18 last week. We wanted to terminate and tried to, but because of some mistakes on the part of the clinic, we weren't able to.

So, we decided to let nature take its course. She lived for 20 weeks and 5 days. I did get to hold her and see that she would never have been able to survive.

My doctor has also been wonderful throughout all of this, and I'm thankful that doctors like her and you exist for the women who need them.

Anonymous said...

I have found myself online again grieving a baby boy that I never got to hold. And by chance I came across your article about your experience with Caroline and Tarak and the tragic story of their second child. I just wanted to say, how glad I am that you posted your account, and how fortunate Caroline was to have a DR who showed empathy and concern for their plight.

I too had a baby with confirmed trisomy 18, he would have been 7 in October. I also found myself in the heart wrenching situation that your two anonymous repliers(?) outlined. I new I was pregnant at 6 weeks, and because of a miscarriage 4 months earlier, was very anxious and concerned, I had a scan at 6 weeks, and saw a tiny fetal pole but not that tiny beating heart, my Dr agreed that I could return the following week for piece of mind, that week showed a fluid filled sac next to my tiny baby, and he thought it might not be viable, so back I came the next week, at 8 weeks, the fluid sac had disappeared and there was a gorgeous little heart beating away- but after a couple of minutes, I could see my Dr looking closely at the monitor, I was doing the same and finally asked what I was seeing two of- there were two tiny beating hearts on the monitor- and when he confirmed twins- my husband and myself were elated. I felt we had been blessed with two and that somehow our lost baby was being returned to us. I know that sounds crazy but we really felt blessed. We watched our twins grow and listened to their heartbeats, one did look smaller but the dr said that that often happened with twins. At 12 weeks our Ob sent us to a specialist to have a nuchal translucency and other measurements etc- all non-invasive. We were never ready for the results and still find it difficult to reflect back on. T1 had a nuchal translucency of 2.8, higher than normal, T2 had a nuchal fold of 7.5, we were left on that table for half an hour and then the specialist saw us and gave us all these statistics about what could be wrong with my babies.. Our heads were spinning, we were just on 13 weeks. He suggested a cvs there and then- and then gave me more statistics on what that could do to my babies- by then I was in shock, I was hyperventilating, vomitting and trying to wake from my nightmare. I called my Ob, he suggested we have the cvs, it went against all my beliefs and I was just so scared that I was jeopardising my babies lives- but we had to know what we were dealing with and we were hoping that we could save both our babies. The CVS was horrible and even now the smell of sterile Dr.s rooms brings awful memories flooding back. We had to wait 7 days for the karyotypes to be mapped, they were worried that they had got placenta samples from the same baby as the placentas were both high and appeared to overlap. We got our phonecall the following week, my ob simple said that one baby was normal and the other had “a chromosomal abnormality incompatable with life”- at that time we hadn’t heard of trisomy 18, being naïve as I was, I still thought they could be wrong and that I could love those babies so much that it would fix it.

The following week our ob- said he felt that a twin complication wasn’t his specialty and that we find another ob, we spent a week searching and researching and then drove for 13 hours to another state to finally see another ob/gyn who specialised in complicated multiple births. By now we were desperate, he confirmed all we had learnt and pointed out a lot of the associated features on a scan. Our little boy was already struggling, and now our Daughter was in jeopardy if I miscarried now- we could lose both, if I could get to 26 weeks they could save her, but I was carrying more fluid than normal and each week further into my pg the bigger the chance of losing both if our son passed away. The ob/gyn suggested selective reduction- the thought of terminating my sons life was horrendous to me, and the thought of letting fate take its course and losing my daughter was just as horrendous. We were in another state, a long way from home, with a two year old, and a massive dilemma- morally I was opposed to abortion, and although I would never force my opinion on others, I never thought I would contemplate terminating the life of my child- we looked at every possibility, what quality of life would he have if he survived pregnancy, what threat did he pose to his twin. The entire situation was a nightmare- whatever way I went it was scarey- all we wanted was two healthy babies, and so many people we having babies they didn’t want- and here we were wanting this more than anything and having to make a decision that was against everything I ever believed. Finally a week later we admitted ourselves to a clinic at the hospital and my new ob terminated that precious little life. I think that time was the lowest time of my life- I felt so guilty and sad and so stuck- in a situation that I couldn’t find an answer to- my husband was supportive, but men will never know what it feels like to have a baby inside you, to be a life line for someone you love with all your heart, and someone that you just want to protect and hold and love forever. I said goodbye to my son and watched his tiny heart stop beating- as I recall this now- the tears are streaming down my face- it has been 7 and a half years since that day and it plagues me constantly. I hope Alexander knows how much he is loved and that one day I will get to be the Mum I never got to be… for him.

I spent the next few months watching my baby girl thrive and my baby boy just lie there- I used to hold my stomach and send him all the love in the world- I wanted him to know that we wanted him with all our hearts, but we didn’t want him to have the pain and suffering that went with trisomy 18, that we wanted to give his sister every chance to survive, to have the life that he could never have. Olivia was born full term- a healthy beautiful baby girl, Alexander was delivered an hour later- I chose not to see his tiny body- which had now become paper thin, somedays I regret this- but I have an hour long scan video of him and Olivia together both moving about – when we didn’t know the tragedy of Trisomy 18.

I told my daughter this year about her twin- she was sad and we talk about him together- she doesn’t know this story- just that he left us too early and that they will one day be together again.

Not sure why I felt so compelled to tell you all this- I thuink I just miss my baby and wish that things had of been different.

To the other mummies of Trisomy babies- i send my love and thoughts- and tears.

Alex's Mum

Peg Spencer said...

Mrs. Mother - I am so sorry for the loss of your Jenna Grace. I'm sure the experience of having her for a short time made it easier and harder both. Thank you for sharing with us.

Peg Spencer said...

Alex's Mum,

Your story made me cry. What an awful predicament you were in! You made the hardest decision any mother could ever make. In my opinion, it was the right decision, and I commend you for your courage.

Happy belated birthday to little Alex, and my deepest thanks to you for sharing your story.

Peg

Erin said...

As a mother who lost her son to Trisomy 18, I'm grateful to hear the story from your standpoint.

We "said goodbye early" and terminated our pregnancy. We held our son, dressed him, buried him and had a memorial.

Before we made our decision, we had many consultations with medical professionals: my OB, our pediatrician, a genetic counseler, a perinatalogist and a neonatalogist. Everyone was more than willing to meet with us and discuss our son as best they could. I will be forever grateful to the medical community and their expertise. It helped me see clearly when my vision was blurred by tears and confusion.

Natalie said...

I'm waiting now to confirm trisomy 18 after a positive triple scan. We have decided to terminate if it is confirmed. I am comforted to hear the stories of women who made the same decision and still stand by it. I am so scared. Thank you to everyone who shared.

Anonymous said...

This story and the comment from the mother of the twins touched me. Last Monday my wife gave birth to our twins (boy and girl). The girl has something wrong with her. Some doctors are thinking Trisomy 18 due to many characteristic traits. However, they are doing genetic testing to confirm or rule this out. The girl also had a Choroid Plexus Cyst at 20 week ultrasound, but we were told by the OB at the time that there is NOTHING to worry about since there were no other markers at the time. Even a week before the delivery I asked the OB if she would check for Trisomy 18 in our girl after she was born, and all I got was "There is NOTHING to worry about." Of course, low and behold she is born now, and having many issues. Yes I am a little bitter over improper expectations being set, but also realize that it is not the OBs fault that she is sick. It's hard to see her, and then compare her to her brother who is already at home, evolving and maturing in his own right even after less than 2 weeks in this world. It is hard on my wife and I, in many ways, to bring a healthy baby with a bright future home, and watch the other twin suffering at the NICU and struggling to survive with what may be a condition that is incompatible with life. We'll see how our story plays out in the end, but in the meantime, I myself am happy to have met my angel, to see her eyes looking up at us when we visit. I visit her everyday on the way to work bringing mother's milk for her to drink, leave work at lunch to see her sometimes, and also visit her in the evenings. I hope and pray that whatever her fate, she does will not suffer horribly and that our family can remain strong and cope with this as best we can.

Peg Spencer said...

Dear anonymous father,

Thank you for sharing your heartwrenching story. I am holding your little girl and your family in my heart and prayers, as I'm sure many others are.

Amy said...

I read this post last week when I did a blog search for Trisomy 18 and have been trying to compose a thoughtful response. But it's hard. It's hard when I read terms like,

"Only an unlucky few survive"

"She was doomed"

"what was left of their defective baby girl"

"this ruined life"

"the mutant child"

My son was not doomed. He was not a defective baby. He was not a ruined life. He was definitely not a mutant child.

He was my son.

And had we been lucky -yes, LUCKY- enough to have been given weeks or months with him, we would have felt very, very blessed.

I realize that you are writing this from the view of a medical professional, who has been trained to counsel parents to terminate. But I would hate for a couple to come here -a scared, heartbroken couple- searching for help and answers and read only of "doomed", "ruined" and "mutant" babies.

By not painting a more balanced picture (or at least providing links to other sites, views, support forums, etc) you are essentially telling these grieving parents that they and their baby would be better off if the pregnancy is terminated.

Some helpful links would be to:
http://www.trisomy18support.org/
http://www.amazinggracegolf.com/ (the story of a little girl with full T18 who is now 5 year old and walking, talking, swimming, dancing, and attending kindergarten!)

You likely moderate comments on this post. If so, I encourage and challenge you to approve this one.

I'm not an activist. I'm a mother. I have recently started writing Nathaniel's story. It's here:

http://muddybootsblog.blogspot.com/search/label/Nathaniel%27s%20story

Isa Maria said...

Thank you Amy (Nathaniel's Mom). As a mother who is searching for information about Trisomy 18 after being given the news my baby may have this condition I was shocked to read this article. At the begining the author writes there are some gross details. I was shocked at how it was written. My baby has either Trisomy 18 or a heart problem. At 13 weeks he or she is measuring only 11. Also the nuchal fold measurement was 4.5mm. In the UK anything under 3mm is considered acceptable. I found out 4 days ago. I refused to have any invasive tests but will have further scans in a month to look for other markers and heart problems. I am trying to read all I can and I am hoping my baby is born alive. My baby is not a mutant or defective. My baby is the way God intended him or her to be and they are perfect in my eyes. I really hope I get to meet my baby, to hold them in my arms for even just a short while. Everyday I tell my baby that I love him and that I will care for him/her no matter what. I understand why some people terminate but it is not an option for me. I have never been a very religious person but I do believe God will decide the time for my child to go to heaven.

Peg Spencer said...

Dear Amy and Isa Maria,
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I welcome differing opinions and experiences!
First of all, please accept my apologies if I inadvertently offended you. I fully understand that everyone's experience is different, and that others might have a very different take on the whole situation.
My intention in writing this post was merely to share my own experience as the young intern I was then. I do not pretend to be any kind of expert on genetic conditions or trisomy 18. Thanks to Amy for including some links to more inclusive and objective sites.
As you said, Amy, I write from the point of view of a medical professional. The parents who were my patients made the decision to terminate rather than hold their baby girl as she died soon after birth, which was what was likely to happen (according to the genetics experts they saw). This is obviously not the only option, and I'm thrilled to hear that others have had much more positive experiences.
Thanks again for posting.
Peg

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